To be humble is to be unassuming…
Chronic illness is the great humility checker.
When you can’t walk across the room, stand up to shower, cook your own meals, eat that much, stand to do much of anything, lay this way to sleep, lay that way to sleep, SLEEP, take out your trash, cough without fear, breathe, or any number of things that can be affected by your illness…you get humbled real quick.
But if you’re still stubborn (coughMEcough) you still try it. I should probably be attempting sleep right now but if it weren’t so hard for me to comfortably sleep then maybe I’d get boo’d up with it.
I don’t like to ask people to do things for me even if I need them to. I feel like I should be able to do them even if the ability escapes me. You know how bad I felt asking whoever if they could take my trash out. But at that time, I was still trying to get rid of hemoptysis so why I thought I was going to be able to walk outside to a trash can is beyond me…yet alone walk outside to a trash can CARRYING TRASH. I could barely carry myself from room to room. But let me tell it I was in marathon training. LOL I WAS GOOD.
People only are gonna go off of what you tell them…I guess right. That’s when I had to just stop trying to be superwoman forreal. I had to admit when I wasn’t ok. I had to begin to try to begin to try to admit I needed help (yes i meant what i typed…i’m still working on that). I’m over here arguing with myself. So If I have an attitude occasionally just know I’m probably mad at myself because that heffa is hard headed. I probably just was looking at her (me) like “why you lying” and she gon be all like:It’s ok. I’m gonna do better. I’m gonna be honest about what I can and cannot do and NOT feel bad about it. I’m going to attempt to venture out to test the limits a bit too. I can have swings of “I can do ALLA THAT” to “i can’t do anything”. It’s about finding that balance of doing stuff but not killing myself. If you want me to go out shopping round yonder mall I’m probably gonna say YOU GOOD! If you want to go out to dinner or somewhere I can set myself stationary and not lug around this here O2…I may can have my people call your people and pencil that in. If you wanna come visit where I can walk around my place freely with my 25 foot o2 chord…then COME ON OVER! With an appointment though. I’m not good with surprises. She likes plans and schedules.
Anyway…humility. Have you been humbled?