You know when people say “it’s the little things”…sometimes it’s not just the little things. Sometimes it’s the medium things or the large things. The little things are great and all but shit…they are all heavy when you have to deal with them all together.
So HONESTY HOUR…after my mom got sick and I got sick again…I felt fairly alone. I legit had to reevaluate some friendships. Some people who I didn’t even expect to be there were THERE! Others were no where to be found. CHECK.
I felt judgement from others. Like…Did I just almost die again…why you feel some type of way? Don’t do me!
But…all in all…I was pretty darn sad. It was great to get a diagnosis but when you lowkey hear that it would be better to have Cancer than this…you kind of wanna give up.
However, I’m a fighter. I coughed up a respirator. LOL. I can’t get some kind of Medical Gangsta Girl Scout Badge or nothing?
I’m kind of like a cat, also. You legit won’t know anything is wrong with me if I don’t tell you. I hide it fairly well. This is a condition of needing to be ON at all times. I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable because I have to get ish done. Otherwise, who will. BUT WHY FOR? I don’t know. Writing here is one way I’m getting over that.
If I’m constantly telling you I’m ok. I’m probably lying like shit. BUT WAIT…that’s if you are asking how I’m doing. You can ask how I’m doing. It’s one of those little things that counts! I’ve 100% stopped answering it “I’m great” because I’m rarely great. Hopefully, I can give an honest great again one day.
I understand it’s hard to maybe deal with a friend/associate/sister/whatever who has a chronic illness but this is one of the small things that matter. ASK HOW I’M DOING…AND CARE. Check out this post HERE if you want to read up on How to help.
Fortunately and unfortunately, another friend of mine is going through this as well. I lean on her strength and she doesn’t even know it. If she can be as ferocious and go after life like she does…I can roll out to the grocery store with my oxygen tank in tow looking like it’s the latest accessory.* She will be FLY! lol
Also…I think I just need a good therapist! Any reccs?
*This blog post was drafted before Nneka passed away. RIP Nneka! Fighting for us both now