If you live anywhere in the DC, Maryland or Virginia area lately, you’ve been assaulted perpetually with some trifling weather. The DMV weather makes ABSOLUTELY no sense and we’ve put up with its shit long enough!!! I even texted Jesus like “Big Homie…how’s the fam…I hope things are poppington up there…but what’s up with the weather in the DMV lately? It’s been gloomy and rainy and I’m unable to locate my cans…what’s good?”
Jesus replied back like
So…not only did I know that I had been put BACK on the waitlist for Heaven (i had JUST gotten off) BUT I was going to have to deal with this on my own…WE were going to have to deal with this on OUR own because Jesus wasn’t replying.
At first, I was like I would just wait it out. It definitely wouldn’t last long right. I mean it’s the end of April and early May and that doesn’t equate gloom. But I’m looking out my window looking for the sun and it’s been 7 WHOLE DAYS…AND NOT A WORD FROM YOU!
Then I got tired of the BS and started listening to Lemonade. And I’m thinking about how these clouds are acting like Becky with the good hair. They trying to get in the way of me and my bae, the sun! I don’t know if the sun knows that I’m really crazy. Like I’m sitting here upset, levitating, fasting, and swallowing swords attempting to get it to come on back out!
Mr. SUN…I need you and all the warmth to return to the DMV promptly and remain here. We aren’t here for sucky DMV weather on this here Spring of 2016. I need you to continue to get some act right throughout the summer as well.